I will admit that I’m guilty of calling a critter ugly. I have sorted a number of cattle over the years, and there have been times that I will cut one off just strictly for the fact that she isn’t cute. I want a heifer/cow to look like a heifer/cow. I just don’t need flashes off Nancy Pelosi or Hillary Clinton running through my head when I’m trying to focus on picking replacement females. Now I know I can blame it on the conservative upbringing, but for some reason it never seems to fail, that they always look a little left-sided to me.
In case you haven’t heard the news, there’s a University of Texas professor, that has a little different spin on the “ugly” concept. Considering he was published in the “New York Times,” I’m sure he’s on to something great, but in my opinion, if I was A&M I’d be running to the SEC real fast. This professor has figured it out that an “ugly” person earns on average $230,000 less in their lifetime. What he’s recommending is that we provide a small extension to the Americans with Disabilities Act so that “ugly” people could be allowed to seek help from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in overcoming the effects of discrimination. With a handy five point system we can distinguish the worst-looking 1 to 2 percent of the population-this is to stupid to make up.
I figured I’d get a step ahead of the game….so I went to the Boss Man.
Me-”I feel like I’ve been discriminated against for being “ugly.” I would like to seek compensation for all those years.”
Boss Man-”What bases do you have?”
Me-”Well you seen the “Hall of Shame” (Quick note-the “Hall of Shame” is what I “affectionately” refer to the wall of family pictures that started when I was about four that just happens to be located in the hallway between the entryway and kitchen. It includes perms, a mullet or two, and even the tight-rolled stonewashed jeans complete with neon shoelaces)
Boss Man-”True, you had a couple of rough years in there.”
Well considering the conversation was getting pretty “ugly” really quick, I decided I better stop there. I did make note that maybe next time we are sorting that I should be a little more lenient on looks. I mean really, who am i to judge a critter based on her looks? Maybe that professor is on to something. We should have a “Bovine Ugliness Act.” (I’m talking about cattle here-just to clarify). We can get Cow Sense involved. They can incorporate a new “BUA” chart into their program. We can grade them on a scale of 1-5. If they rate low,they will be treated to a life of irrigated pasture and distillers. I was thinking I was on to something, then I walked into the shop bathroom in the middle of power washing out the trailer. I rinsed the manure off of my face, and the wall hanging caught my eye…. Murphy’s Law-Beauty is skin deep….but ugly goes clean to the bone. And that my friends is “Jac’d Up!”