I love calving season. Squirting myself in the face with milk, stepping in a pile of milk scours while getting ready to leave for town, and of course the joys of dealing with a “DSB” or “Dumb Stupid Bessy?” that evidently must of had blinders on when she calved and didn’t notice the 75lb creature located behind her. We push hard and fast here on the ranch. This year our last heifer calved on day 22, and the cows usually finish by day 45.
I evidently pushed a little too hard and fast. The 90 hour weeks catch up to a person, especially considering most of those are spent on an ATV. I was averaging at least 40 miles a day bouncing over rough terrain, and I’m sure I was going reasonably slow, or that is at least the argument I make to the Boss Man’s wife aka Mom. When it got to the point I was needing the cherry picker to pick me up from kneeling while tattooing at branding, I was sent on a “mandatory vacation.” Now, I’m not a fan of “mandatory vacations!” That’s when the Boss Man and Boss Man’s wife determines that you can’t ride an ATV, horse, or tractor; you can’t lift anything and definitely nothing strenuous until you can heal. In other words in ranching terms “you should just haul her to the dead pile.” The first afternoon, I sat in the chair, for a couple of hours, boredom won out and I gimped outside where I stood and watched progress. That was irritating, so I went back in and threw things for a while, or at least that was what I wanted to do. One afternoon, of me and my holly jolly mood, I was told to get out of there and go heal up.
I headed down to Wichita, KS. Wichita is not the beach destination I was dreaming of, but hey Dorothy liked Kansas, so it couldn’t be that bad. It was recommended to look into acupuncture to speed up the healing process, and after getting over the mental imagery I had of some guy poking me with a Blackleg needle, I located a place to try.
Now I’m a firm believer in chiropractors, but going this route was making me just a tad uncomfortable. I mean what do you ask an acupuncturist? “Are you BQA certified?”
I showed up at my appointment and after an analysis, I was informed I was “Jac’d Up.” I had kind of figured that one out, and was hoping he wasn’t going to charge me for that diagnosis. Next thing, I’m being lead into a darkened room where I sit on a cushioned bench and he comes at me with a handful of needles informing me “this will not hurt.” I usually tell a cow the same thing when I come at them with the hot shot, so needless to say I was a little skeptic. He flings three of them into my ear, two in my arm, some in my lower back, and a number around my shoulder blades. Meanwhile, my mind is wondering if this guy has ever played darts, because he is really good. After the dartboard act, he leaves me to “meditate” for 20 mins. I try the Buddha uuummm, not working, I try to clear my mind, all I can think about is I’m full of needles. Before I know it, those 20 minutes have flown by. This skeptic, is now a believer of the ancient arts, and after a couple sessions was definitely on my way to healing.
I’m just curious when I get home if I could teach the Boss Man a form of acupuncture. It would probably include staples and a pair of wire pliers…and that my friends is “Jac’d Up.”